


When Alone

by YDC



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Closet Pervert, Durarara!! Kink Meme, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Headcanon, Hidden Secret, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Innocence, M/M, Out of Character, triggering content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-15
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2018-01-08 06:51:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1129612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YDC/pseuds/YDC
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>ADD:</p><p>Trigger content!  Beware of self-harm references, depression, suicide thoughts!!!  (...the story just took me here...)</p><p>//</p><p>Original prompt:<br/>http://drrrkink.livejournal.com/7084.html?thread=25021356t25021356</p><p>Roppi x Tsuki</p><p>Shy doesn't mean innocent/pure/naïve</p><p>Basic idea: Tsuki is really shy in front of others, but behind closed doors and alone, he's a pervert who dreams (and read/watch porn) of having a "master" who'll make/force him do things Tsuki doesn't dare to try just for him, but for a "master"...</p><p>So, what happens when Roppi finds out about this secret part of his friend?</p><p>//</p><p>I was hoping for a one-shot, but will be a little longer, still not sure how long.</p><p>And PendulumDeath, my headcanon on Tsuki and Roppi's relationship XD  Hope you enjoy it =3</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. The Concept of Time Alone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PendulumDeath](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PendulumDeath/gifts).



> ADD:
> 
> Trigger content! Beware of self-harm references, depression, suicide thoughts!!! (...the story just took me here...)
> 
> //
> 
> Original prompt:  
> http://drrrkink.livejournal.com/7084.html?thread=25021356t25021356
> 
> Roppi x Tsuki
> 
> Shy doesn't mean innocent/pure/naïve
> 
> Basic idea: Tsuki is really shy in front of others, but behind closed doors and alone, he's a pervert who dreams (and read/watch porn) of having a "master" who'll make/force him do things Tsuki doesn't dare to try just for him, but for a "master"...
> 
> So, what happens when Roppi finds out about this secret part of his friend?
> 
> //
> 
> I was hoping for a one-shot, but will be a little longer, still not sure how long.
> 
> And PendulumDeath, my headcanon on Tsuki and Roppi's relationship XD Hope you enjoy it =3

~~ o ~~ o  ~~ o ~~ o  ~~ o ~~ o 

 

 

The teen sighed, finally alone in his home.  It was difficult living with his two older brothers, working at different hours and he being in school  _practically_  all day just because he was easily distracted and had to stay to finish his work without distractions -at least at school he could work  **on**  his assigments, not like at home with Delic talking about his job and Tsugaru sometimes singing enka, or telling them about his new story.  Because of that, he had to make to most of his alone time.

 

That’s why when he found his home empty, and a note from Tsugaru telling him that he had a meeting and will be back late, and that it was possible to be out all night thanks to his crazy editor.  And Delic had work all night…  A happy smile appeared in the teen's face, really glad it was a Friday and was free next day, finally a -hopefully- a night alone for himself!  Already almost two...  _weeks_ without time for  _himself._   What could a growing boy do in his case?

 

He had no computer in his room, that was a rule Tsugaru impossed, and forced even Delic to follow.  It's not that Tsu didn't trust either of them, it was better to really  _work_  on the computer, and not lose time on the internet.  His older brother really cared for them, but still, he was over-protective of the younger, something that made Tsuki feel happy of but at the same time feel out-of-place with his classmates.  Until less than 2 years ago (exactly, when starting 11th grade) Tsugaru and Delic made sure to walk his little brother to and from school, knowing he was easily distracted and... get lost.  His brothers attitue toward him made him isolate himself from his classmates, who made fun of him ("Hey, you are 16 years old and your  _brothers_   **still**  walk you?  What are you, a _kid_?"  A common bullying he suffered).  Having a shy personality, using glasses, a silly-looking long scarf that he usually used to hid his face on it -even if it was against his school-dressing code- that made him look like a deer caught in highlights when questioned.

 

"Thanks, brothers" the teen really appreciate this unintentional opportunity for his  _body needs_.  His imagination wasn't enough lately, and more having to keep quiet, it's not his fault his brothers (specifically the host) didn't know the concept of  _personal space **AND** needs!_   It was enough with Delic's pervert nature and his comments that even made Tsugaru uncomfortable, but some things his brother gave him were...  _interesting.  Educative._   And really was glad Tsu respected his room, his space... while forcing the computer to be in their shared space.  After all, he was the youngest.  The little Tsuki, innocent Tsuki, easily flustered and embarrased Tsuki, quiet and kept to himself Tsuki.  No one would ever believe he was a closet deviant (thanks to Delic's example).

 

The first thing, face already red at thinking what he will do, was to strip his school bag, along with his unifom, leaving them on his room, staying only in his underwear… and his long white scarf wrapped around his neck, if... someone even find out about it... being only in his scarf was a huge kink of the teen.  And scared, hoping his brothers  _really_ gave him his alone time... and stay  **out** all the night.  "Fuck..." his cock already hard, and he hasn't even turned on the computer, restrained by his boxer briefs.  After finally getting out a beach-sized towel to cover his favorite spinning chair, and setting in front of the -at least turned on- computer, the young blod let out a content sigh, and quickly digged out his dear usb memory, plugging it in the computer and waiting for it to load, opening also a hidden mode internet page and also a normal one (always better to have at least a normal page and some things related to school open and not only porn, he learnt that early on).

 

And, finally got to search in his archives what he prefered for this...  _session._  Gay, lesbian, straight, Tsuki basically liked almost all kind of sex, and sexual situations, only freaked out by real life (video) scat and bestiality, but while on written form (just how amazing is written porn) he loved  _EVERYTHING.  ALL KINDS OFPORN._   Porn to let himself loose on an impossible idea, in a safe environment (masturbating to an idea, personal fantasies, videos and reading is nothing bad, right?  You can't get sick by being with yourself, right?).  But... if he had to admit, he really prefer hardporn over soft or just making out (just how he loves BDSM, and M/S stories, with the bottom being broken by the dom and doing any and everything the dom asked of him/her.  

 

Tsuki smiled.  Yes, already knew what he wanted now.  His body tense, cock demanding to be freed of his constricting prision, and softly shuddering, and his cheeks hot.

 

**Hardcore porn.**

 

The only question now was... straight? lesbian? gay?  He didn't have preferences.  All excited him.  Maybe a little more when the males were the ones broken, but, whatever.  All are exciting.  And... a fantasy of him.  He... his friend... the only one who dared to be with him, who never cared of what the others said and kept to himself and Tsuki.  "No."  Tsuki had to shake his head before his mind took the fantasy from his mind.  He must leave Roppi-san alone, he doesn't need to know about this part of Tsuki.  His only secret, the only thing he kept from telling the depressive raven.  And something he doesn't want Roppi to be tainted with, he have enough problems of his own, enough to be kept from Tsuki's fantasies of him.

 

Ashamed for his... mistake, for his mind already involving his friend, Tsuki clicked on the first file, not caring about the cast of it, just that it was one of the most hardcore videos, most explicit and most raw  _'story'_ of his collection.  And gay sex.  And one of his favorites.

 

Turning around one last time to check -again- the courtains were closed, and the lights off, he clicked play, making himself more comfortable and wrapping himself in his towel to keep himself warm and to not let any  _evidence_ of his solo and computer time anywhere near the computer.  And adjusted the sound for it to be barely audible to him (he was wary of ever wearing headphones... Delic even slept with them!  He couldn't remember when was the last time his brother didn't have something covering his ears!).

 

As the story progressed, the boy started to play with his body, slowly sliding his hands along his sides, following his chest downwards his navel, and then slipping his really cold fingers against where his hips met legs, and his inner thigs.  Aware of deliberately omiting touching his sensitive nipples and cock.  By experience Tsuki learned to  _not_ touch himself with cold things, not even his hands.  His body tended to explode at the slightlest change in temperature, specially cold (and the other reason why he needed the towel to try to get his hands warm).

 

Slowly, he finally dared to touch his chest, going for his extremely sensitive nipples, lightly massaging the muscles  and barely touching his light pink areola, trying to ignore his erect nipples, really embarrased he was masturbating, yeah, his classmates, girls and boys the same, usually talked about sex, what they prefer while masturbating or having sex, conversations he wasn't included in, but at the same time no one cared about what he could or could not hear about those talks ("It's a little boy, what could he know about how amazing sex is!"  "He'll never know what we're talking about.  Better ignore him."  "I've heard one of his brothers is an amazing host!  And sex with him is mindblowing!  How I'd love him to fuck me!"  "That little kid?  I doubt he can even rise.  There's nothing much there.  The boys told me he doesn't get hard.  Such a waste.  A really cute face but nothing else."  "He has a nice face, and is innocent as a baby.  Just keep him quiet and fuck his ass.  After all, he looks just like a girl."  "It's really sad... he's really good looking, but being with him, having sex with him, will make me feel like a pedophile.  He is so innocent I'd feel bad tainting him.").  

 

The moans, sounds of slaps of skin on skin, the barely contained pained screams, Tsuki touching his body, his chest and sides, finally touching his nipples with cold fingers, still not daring to pinch them, but squeezing his muscles and then massaging them softly, cupping his nipples and then slidding his hands along his side to hug himself, wanting to take off his boxers, which wear already wet, constricging his painfully hard penis.  But... that was something he was still afraid to do, to  _touch it._  It was dirty.  It was designed to urinate with!  And to cum...  And one of the most amazingly places to touch, one of the most sensitive places to get pleasure from, apart from his nipples, and... the other one he tried hard to negate the pleasure of...

 

Closing his legs, searching for friction to his aching dick, he let out a strangled yelp when he unintentionally squeezed his testicles with the fabric of his underwear "fuck!", pain rolling in his body, but this pain...  _excited_  the teen.  Not intentionally, at all, but... the pain, mixed with the  _delicious_ friction of his constricted member, and the ghost-like touches on the rest of his body was wonderful for the horny teen.

 

Ever so slowly his left hand started to slide between his tummy and the fabric of his boxers, his nerves jumping at the difference of temperature of his hands, the strange sensations coming from being hot, body wanting to explode, and the cold of his hands, finally touching the base of his penis, deciding to take off his boxers and stay almost nude, his scarf wrapped around his neck with the ends touching his nipples each time he moved.  Stopping his ministrations, he took off his underwear, shamefully admiring his dick, his body, lean but without defined muscles, feeling his face grew hotter, his cock was hard, and his nipples stood proud, both aching to be touched, which he started to do without sitting, the movie running in the background.

 

His hand was soft, softly circling his member, touching with ghost-like touches his ballsack, and with the other slowly massaging his buttocks, following their shape, trying to cup them to the best of his ability, and sometimes deciding to follow his asscrack.  Tensing when his fingers were near his anus, and promptly retracting them, just to start from the begining.  Yes.  He was afraid of touching himself more.  Of going 'all the way', as his classmates tend to discuss between them.

 

With more decided attitude, Tsuki closed his eyes, letting his hands roam over his body, over his legs, slightly bending to touch his ass while forcing his legs to open a little, feeling the cold on his private areas, and feeling how his cock and testicles hung between his legs.  His hands finally went to his cock, faintly circling it with both hands, hard and hot, a total difference from his hands, and ran them aloung the vein on its underside, shivering in delight, playing with his foreskin, but afraid to touch the glans, and even less the urethra opening, it was really sensitive to be touched.

 

At this point Tsuki left his mind finally roam free, sitting in front of the computer and barely covering himself with the towel, the moans coming from the speakers loud in his ears.  His imagination automatically changing to him being the one of the video, the one being forced to endure whatever the dom wanted him to do, forcing him to withstand  all and whatever treatment directed to him, being nude in public, having to wear a mark or something to show he was owned, proudly displaying hickeys on his neck.  Why?  Because he was really shy and didn’t trust himself to do something for _himself._   But… maybe if someone asked him (or forced him) to do, he’ll gladly accept and go for it.

 

The loud moans and sound of slapping skin-on-skin, made the young blond let his hands wander all over his body, over perk nipples, his imagination taking over the video and turning into a fantasy. 

 

His aching cock demanded attention, and the teen granted it attention, playing with the shaft and shivering at his cold hands, following the shape of the underside vein and stopping at his penis neck to play with his foreskin, panting and moaning, trying hard to keep coherent words to himself.

 

His thoughts went to his raven friend.  "R...Roppi...-san..." the soft moan escaped his lips, eyes closed.  How many times have he tried to deny he wanted Roppi in a physical way?  His movements become desperate, his release near.  Long cold fingers outlined his chest, pinching erect nipples and neglecting his cock for a few minutes, returning to it and his testicles with devotion, playing with his sack and shaft, returning later to his sides, following a line in the middle of his chest to his navel, and then to his crotch, to the part where leg met his trunk, specially the fold of his leg and ass, tracing his buttocks, and letting a hand play with his chest, tugging and pulling at his nipples and cock, while the other started to follow the asscrack, avoiding his rectal sphincter, lightly pushing at his perianal area.  The combination of friction on his cock and the pushing and pulling of his balls and perianal skin was enough to bring him to the edge.  Just a few seconds…

 

With a loud gasp and moan Tsuki reached his orgasm.  His body tensed and curled his finger toes.  Sticky white cum coated his fingers and stained the towel, he left his hands where they rested, on his slowly deflating dick and massaged a little his buttocks, squeezing them and sighing at the feeling, contempt, happy.  Relaxed.  Delighting at getting his self-sex fix after some time.

 

The smile on his face was real, but sad.  Tsuki will never be able to face his friend if Roppi found out about this… deviate attitude of his.  Something no one would believe, even dare to think the shy blond capable of trying.  Of doing.

 

 

 

The sudden ring and furious knocking on the door startled the young blond, forcing him to stop relaxing and enjoying his afterglow and open wild and scared eyes, sweet coating his neck and chest which turned cold in a second.

 

"TSUKI!  OPEN UP!" his eyes widened more, Roppi...  his friend.  What the fuck was he doing here?!

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... I felt it a little weird.
> 
> Please tell me how it is XD
> 
>  
> 
> And evil cliffhanger =3
> 
> And... got some stupid ideas for crack XD
> 
>  
> 
> // 
> 
> I HATE MY COMPUTER!!!
> 
> I GOT THIS CHAPTER COMPLETE AND BEFORE I COULD SAVE STUPID COMPUTER REBOOTED ITSELF!!! I LOST MORE THAN 500 WORDS!!! *CRIES*


	2. Please...  no.

~~ o ~~ o ~~ o ~~

 

 

 “TSUKI!  I KNOW YOU ARE THERE!  OPEN UP!” the bang against the door became more violent, shaking it from its hinges, making Tsuki’s blood to –almost- drain from his body, scared.  Why the fuck was Roppi doing at his home, at this hour?!

 

The towel forgotten, Tsuki stood naked and wide eyed, his glasses lightly fogged, heart beating fast.  “Go away… please…” the shy teen pleaded in his mind, without the mind to even cover himself, to do something, _anything,_ and not just stay there, scared of his friend.

 

The rattling of the door grew louder.

 

And the blond acting like a deer caught in headlights.  Frozen in place, towel forgotten and his seed partially coating his hands and body, slowly cooling.  “I’M GONNA OPEN, TSUKISHIMA!”  Yes.  Roppi WAS angry at something.

 

“Fuck NO!”  The threat shook the naked teen, the dread reflected on his face, and with just enough presence of mind to grab the towel to cover himself –preferably being in his own seed than stood just naked, computer completely forgotten despite the moans _still_ coming from the loudspeakers.

 

“OPEN UP **NOW!”**   Demanding, Tsuki’s blood drained completely from his face at the sound of rattling keys and at the sound that can only meant some neighbors were opening their doors startled and wanting to know _what all that yells meant._   Just how **stupid** he was?  Roppi had the keys to the apartment, he gave them because he _trusted_ them to Roppi and wanted his friend to feel _safe,_ to be able to go somewhere _safe_ when the need, the anxiety, eat away at him.  When the need to just hurt himself was strong enough to _really_ hurt himself.  And that the raven has used them only one time.  One accursed time.  And the blond dreaded to know what happened now to force his friend to came here, to _use_ the keys.

 

The rattling of keys, with some muffled voices and some yells demanding to know something the teen couldn’t understand at all, and Roppi answers that made the blond fear for his angry friend that acted really aggressive when he was upset at and of something, to hide just how afraid he really was.  A final loud yell and the door opened with a loud bang, the raven stormed inside and slammed the door shut, all his presence exhaling an angry and upset feeling.

 

The world came to an abrupt halt for the blond teen.

 

Roppi storming into the dark apartment still audible the neighbors yells, the only light from the computer’s monitor, and letting the door banging behind him.  A lean figure clad in a black and red coat with crimson fake fur on the hems.

 

All strength gone from his body, the loosely wrapped towel falling to the floor leaving him naked to his friend eyes, when he finally decided to raise his head and not just stare angrily at the floor, left hand itching, craving, to play with his flick-blade.  Something was **_really_ ** for the raven to do something like that.  He was always cautious when he itched to cut himself, even with Tsuki, the only one that knew he needed the blood, to cut himself to be able to stay _calm._   To be able to deal with whatever was bothering him.

 

After long, interminable, seconds, Roppi growled angrily, unable to see that his friend was there, and in a way no one have ever _dared_ to think of Tsuki to be found sometime like…  an less with the background…noises.  Finally turning in search of the switch to turn on the lights, Tsuki shut tight his eyes at the sudden brightness, and let out an indignant yelp, creeping the angry raven who was thinking that: or Tsuki indeed was at home, was taking a shower _or_ sleeping.  Not ever in his wildest dreams he dared to think about the blond _naked._   All sound completely _gone_ for his astonished mind.  Blinking slowly the slightly shorter male let his eyes roam over the other’s body, taking all and every detail of his friend, and found himself gasping in shock and flushing red in shame when his ears caught the _background_ noises.  His actions also snapped the other teen, who hastily tried to cover himself _and_ run to turn off the loudspeakers-computer-whatever-was-possible-and-faster-to-do-to- _try-to-_ not-embarras-himself- **more-** than-he-already-did.  Just to fail miserably when his feet trampled with the towel at his feet and started to fall towards the computer, again giving Roppi a full view of his body.

 

“Tsuki!” but before he touched the floor, his now curious friend caught his arm, stopping the fall, both boys paling at the whole situation, and the scarf-wearer boy state, the shame slowly flushing his body, and cock wanting to respond to a fantasy come real in a weird way.  But it got popped as fast as it started, Roppi hastened to cover him and unplugged the computer, silencing everything, tense silence feeling the apartment.

 

 

~~ o ~~ o ~~ o ~~

 

 

“R…Ro… Ro…pi…?”  Stammering, the spectacles-wearing blond tried to get his friend’s attention, willing himself to stop his embarrassment and trying to shake off the whole situation.  He ran to the bath to take a shower, leaving his stunned friend in the room alone and really shocked.  And when Tsuki finally came out, dressed and hiding behind a weird bartender-style clothes with his long scarf as a barrier, the other still haven’t snapped out of the situation, his gaze fixed where the taller one has been standing naked.

 

The red-eyed raven was partially hiding his left arm, holding into his jacket’s sleeve hem with white knuckles.

 

“No.  Please no, Roppi-san!”  The only thing the other could do at the moment, running to his friend and forcing his hand to let go the fabric and move the long sleeve out of the way to inspect the arm, afraid at that could probably be hidden.

 

“What happened?!” worry for his friend.  Has he already cut himself?!  How deep this time?!  What happened for him to turn to self-harm now?!  He has been stable for almost a full year!!

 

“Please… don’t shout Tsuki.”  A shake of his head and his eyes fixed into similar crimson ones.  “It’s… not as bad…  I…  I…” a loud intake of breath and flushing beet red “I didn’t pegged you to watch porn… Tsuki.”  He cracked a smile, trying his hardest to distract the subject and managing the other to  turn ghostly white and stutter, trying to explain himself with the worst lie possible.

 

“I… No… I… It wasn’t me!  Delic left it like that!”

 

“Yeah… sure… he’s a perv, that’s not new… but I really doubt you’ll get naked just like that…” a evil smirk, now that his friend was back in track, he could focus on _hiding_ his (“ _It hurts!_ ”) arm long enough to go to the bath to take care of it.

 

 

~~ o ~~ o ~~ o ~~

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been lazy...
> 
> I think I really need to be chained to my chair in front of the computer AND no internet access until I finish at least my day's goal... *sigh*
> 
> I'll try to have a chapter per week. If not, please hit me =X
> 
> But, a short chapter is better than nothing, right?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been lazy with Degrading, but... here's a chaper of When Alone =3
> 
> I'll try to post a chapter for it this week =3
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING! MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM IN THIS CHAPTER!!!

~~ o ~~ o ~~ o ~~

 

 

Beet red, Tsuki could only gape as a fish out of the water, staring at his friend.  His friend who has just found him nude and at least _watching_ porn… what little dignity he could have left involved him not finding out _what kind_ of porn he was watching… masturbating… and to gay porn… and worst still, involving Roppi in _his fantasy._   His friend that went home, to him, due to something.  What?  What happened for the raven to have used the keys the blond gave him a second time?  What happened?  What occurred for him to run to the blond’s place?  Just like that, the blond realized the only thing covering him was his –not anymore pure white- long scarf, and scampered to the bath, wanting to erase his… _deed_ and brain not working to know what compelled the black and red clad teen to search for him in the first place.

 

Roppi cracked a smile, trying his hardest to disturb the other enough to just drop the subject about why he was home.  Letting a soft laugh when his friend ran towards to bath, as a scared fluffy rabbit or cute kitten, leaving him alone for a few minutes used to gawk at the door his friend has hidden behing, hearing the water ran just for a few long seconds.  And please, just please, to _not bleed the floor,_ it was just too much to have his arm almost completely devoid of sensitivity, it had taken a while to lose track of the dull burning sensation of the blade cutting skin deep enough to scar, drawing blood and hand coming almost cold, frozen.  Not enough blood to cause him problems, but more than enough to suffer for the loss, to watch the vital liquid taint his room’s floor in splotches, addicting to the pain, to the sight.  Cutting himself being the only way to keep himself on track, to keep his mind _sane._

 

Why others consider self-injury as a ‘suicide’ thing?  Always questioning his motives, why he started to do it?  Why he despised humans?  ( _“Almost all just assume things.  They only see what they want to.  They never care to understand the **real** cause, the real problem.  Only what is on plain sight, and even then… they do not care.”_ )  And Tsuki… just how?  Just… when?  How it happened?  How both became friends?

 

 

~~ o ~~ o ~~ o ~~

 

 

When Tsuki came back to an absent-minded raven, Tsuki finally realized he needed to clean his scarf, flushing again and lowering his eyes for a second at something that stood out in the clear white rug, red.  A few little spots, fresh red, not opaque reddish-brown of dry blood.  And the obvious try to hide of his arm in the long sleeves of his coat.  Only visible the knuckles of his fist, and a almost complete control of the twitch of his hand and expression hidden in a smirk, in the taunt and trying to shame the other to ( _please do not question_ ) let him be for the moment.  Until he could patch himself and… act as If nothing happened, as usual.  He wasn’t lucky this time, the taller teen rushed to his side when he set foot out of the bath, and after just a glance to him.

 

“No.  Please no, Roppi-san!”  (“ _Drop the –san, will you?!  I’m just Roppi!  I’m fine!”_ )  The only thing the other could do at the moment, scared about what he’ll find was to run toward his friend to inspect the damage.

 

“What happened?!” worried for his friend.  Has he already cut himself?!  How deep this time?!  What happened for him to turn to self-harm now?!  He has been stable for almost a full year!!  The blond forced Roppi to let his hand go the fabric and move the long sleeve out of the way to inspect the arm, forcing him to show the inside of his wrist, his mind playing already the worst scenario possible, his wrist cut deep enough to damage veins, the raven passing out due to blood loss, and why could he do?!  His brothers –now not so great- were out!!!  In the beginnings of a panic attack he couldn’t understand the (“ _Nonononononono!! He’s already cut himself!!_ ” his mind yelled with wide eyes trying to understand the damage on the arm).  “WE NEED FIRST AID, ROPPI-SAN!!  I’LL CALL FOR IT!!” yelling in fright, and acting like a headless chicken without the slightest idea of what to do, how to act.  “I NEED TO PATCH IT!  I’LL GO FOR THE FIRST AID KIT, PLEASE DON’T MOVE!”

 

“Please… don’t shout Tsuki.”  A shake of his head and his eyes fixed into similar crimson ones.  “It’s… not as bad…  I…  I…” a loud intake of breath and flushing beet red “I didn’t pegged you to watch porn… Tsuki.”  He cracked a smile, trying his hardest to distract the subject and managing the other to  turn ghostly white and stutter, trying to explain himself with the worst lie possible.

 

“I… No… I… It wasn’t me!  Delic left it like that!”

 

“Yeah… sure… he’s a perv, that’s not new… but I really doubt you’ll get naked just like that…” a evil smirk, now that his friend was back in track, he could focus on _hiding_ his (“ _It hurts!_ ”) arm long enough to go to the bath to take care of it.

 

The pervert comment snapped the glasses-wearer out of his panic attack, regaining a more calm –but still worried and scared- mind, eyes clearer and finally able to take into account what he saw.  Beet red and gaping like a fish the red-eyed blond wanted to hide his face in his scarf, the smell of sex lingering on it making the other’s comments stronger and realistic.  “I… I… Please drop it, Roppi-san!”

 

“No.  I want to _know…_ ” a sharp intake of breath cut his words and tried to yank back his arm, which was secured between the tall one’s warm hands.  “Fuck…” wide eyes traveled to his arm, widening at the sight of blood there.  “It’s not what you think… well… a little…”  Roppi insisted on trying to get his limb back, to not force it on his friend, already regretful to have come to this place, bothering Tsuki… but not completely at the _tantalizing sight_ he was presented when the door opened.

 

“No, you are hurt.  Let’s take care of it.”  The dark-haired one let out a loud sigh, asking himself for the nth time from where and why Tsuki’s personality changed so drastic when there was an injury and he involved?  Yes.  Tsuki is a little slow, shy, and ditzy with humans, but with him his personality usually changed to one of understanding patience, containing, sometimes, his pain at seeing Roppi self-harm, being a low-presence that supported him, and little by little, both grew attached to the other, getting to know –almost- any and everything of the other, so… this new facet (“ _Really… porn?  Tsuki?!  Innocent and pure Tsuki watching porn and nude?!  Masturbating…?_ ”), and always worried for him, only let out their secret one time due to his ignorance at the time.  The first time Roppi attempted to suicide and failed, afraid in the last second to do it, and crashing with the lost boy so many years ago.

 

“Okay… it’s not bad.”  Relenting was the only option to have his arm freed to pull out his coat and pull up his left sleeve, letting the blond study the new gashes present on his skin.  Without even a flicker of pain in those eyes, the blond got up way calmer and retrieved the first aid kit, starting to clean the damage on the skin.  Several.  “Just… superficial cuts this time.  Medical tape and I’m perfectly fine…”  The blond didn’t respond, all his attention centered in cleaning the wounds, applying disinfectant with a cotton swab a little harder than necessary, but still Roppi remained calm, his… pain endings almost numb to pain due to the insane amount of cuts his body received through the years.  “Enough, Tsuki.”  Roppi smiled to his friend in sincere gratitude when the blond finished only using medical tape to ‘hide’ the cuts.  This time there were a lot of slashes, in his inner wrist, hand, forearm and shoulder, the majority were already dry and shallow enough to not scar, the only ones dripping blood were the ones on his hand, most likely the last ones to be inflicted.

 

“Do you wanna stay?  My brothers are not coming home tonight.”  At the nod, Tsuki smiled, innocently hoping the raven will drop the… computer subject and let it be forgotten.  “Prepare or take out?”

 

“Tsuki, why?”  A sly grin and mischievous eyes directed at the blond.

 

“Eh?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it seems my brain has been working way faster than my fingers when typing... if there are some HORRIBLE mistakes, please point them out!! And please don't forget about when I try to talk in public... words + mouth + brain coordination are... blergh -.- I can't work with them at the same time in public or with people I don't know =X
> 
> I've read this... but not sure if I'm missing something or not =X
> 
> *stares at chair and tries to run away from it*


	4. Quien en pan piensa... / What Happened?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pendulum, I was gonna send it to you, but not sure if I'll be ever to connect tomorrow afternoon and I know if I don't post/send almost immediately I'll go without doing it =X But working on D, and I'll take your word on that XD

~~ o ~~ o ~~ o ~~

 

 

“Eh?” Tsuki stared dumbstruck at Roppi, having no idea what his friend was asking of him.  “Why… what?  Actually… take out will be faster… or do you prefer I prepare something to eat?  I promise not to burn anything!!”

 

Roppi stared incredulous at the blond.  “Are you sure you should _still_ be _wearing_ that…?  It seems to be _affecting_ your brain, my dear friend…” with his eyes ticking, he left an exaggerated sigh, wanting to face palm hard at Tsuki’s oblivious nature.  Innocent and shy as far as he used to believe and say... now... not sure what to think.  Never one to despise and opportunity to play with his friend’s easily flustered nature, trying by all means that the taller will just _not_ ask his reasons to his cuts.  And, over all, because he was curious about this… _side_ of his friend, but, after all, Tsuki is a growing teenager.  “And… home-made, if you insist…” playing and knowing that his friend will not even dare the raven near something sharp, not for a good while in his presence.

 

The glasses-wearer dropped –finally- his scarf to the floor, as if it has burned his neck or was a living and breathing snake.  It was really rare to see him without his precious and loved garment, something that made Roppi proud and overwhelmed at just how many years his friend has retained it.  The article still pure white, and still big enough to make the blond look silly with the article around his neck.  “R…R…Roppi!!” flushed deep red he took the item and ran to put and do the laundry, flustered at his friend’s reminder, but grateful at the same time.  It was _not his_ fault to have forgotten about his scarf at the sight of blood on his friend!

 

A few minutes later, with Roppi still doubled over and laughing, the blond returned to the room, trying to hide his embarrassment.  “W..what do you want for dinner…?” voice low, and feeling weird at not having his lovely scarf covering his neck, the one place the raven’s eyes locked at immediately. 

 

“You?”, a sly grin adorning his face and eyes gleaming mischeviously.

 

“Stop joking, Roppi!  Please answer me!” his face was pink, and eyes wide, avoiding his friend’s gaze and flustered.

 

“You know, calling my name without the ‘-san’ is way better, Tsuki.”  A true smile, the golden-haired formality towards everything and everyone can be really annoying for him, and no matter how many times he insisted in just using his given name, the taller insisting on being formal towards others (even when he was stuttering and almost pissing in fright when having to talk in public, answer questions or solve a problem… worst, if he have to give a class, until teachers understood about the boy, leaving him alone).  It made Roppi feel that Tsuki wasn’t _with him, cared for him_ , cold and distant, something false.  Both were friends, best and only friends, but… the attitude made the raven feel rejected.  So every and all times he managed the glasses-wearer to call his name in a more casual, familiar, way, his heart fluttered.  “And I have **no idea** what you are so upset about.  I wasn’t joking, _you_ decide what’s for dinner.  And I’ll help you out.”  Of course, the boy knew exactly _what_ the other was referring to, and let out a small delighted laugh, “oh, Tsuki, I didn’t though you’ll have such a dirty mind to think something…” he let the sentence hang in the air, his face getting a little red.  “So, what’s for dinner?,” an abrupt subject chance.

 

“Roppi!” the lanky boy complained and finally gaped like a fish out of water, putting and giving the back at his friend, going into the kitchen and taking out ingredients for a single and fast dinner, Roppi staring at his friend work and do everything, he only prepared the table to sit, bored out of his mind (the glasses-wearer wanted to do everything himself!  It has hard finally getting him to accept Roppi to rummage the kitchen in all the years they’ve known each other, and… helping prepare the food was out of the question when it included knives.  If there was something the dark-clothed boy has strong in him was to _never_ hurt himself in front of the other.  The only one he cared for, not even his stupid uncles he was forced to live with.

 

They ate in silence, a comfortable kind of silence, only perturbed by munching and the scrapping of the servile vessels to their respective plates.  Both enjoying the food and the company, and trying to know what to do when… certain _subjects_ came.  One of the other.  There wasn’t much to do, and Roppi couldn’t avoid telling the other what happened… and curiosity was killing him to know _just **what** _ was Tsuki doing _nude, masturbating_ if he wasn’t completely mistaken.

 

When they finished eating and cleaned the kitchen (leaving enough food for Tsuki’s brothers if they ever came back that night), the blond regaining his fresh laundry and hiding beneath his white scarf, refreshing the other’s memory of how Tsuki was when he opened the door, heat rising to his face.

 

“So… now what?” awkward silence for and from both males, avoiding to gaze at the other, and searching somewhere that catches their respective eyes.

 

“You… Roppi…,” the one referred to smiled a little, it must really be bothering his friend to act like he so many times has requested of him, a more familiar term, less formality.  And… he agreed.  It was the least he could do for his friend, and because it was less important that what he could learn from Tsuki, head partially hidden in the scarf, and his messy hair looking like a bird’s nest.

 

He must have expected it.  After a long sigh, and lowering his gaze, Roppi opened and closed his mouth a few moments, searching for the correct words to start.  “O…kay…” another inhale, and the boy raised his eyes to look at Tsuki.  “First off, as you saw, not this time.  Not… to kill myself…” he lowered his tone, keeping himself from losing control over his emotions, and kept quiet, waiting for a response, or Tsuki to ask more, when it came to minutes with both silent, the raven swallowed to explain better.  “Psyche… you know that bastard.”  Yeah… the blond knew his friend’s uncles, and the difficulties he had with them, especially with the childish Psyche, way more than with Sakuraya, so similar to his own brother Tsugaru.  Lately, almost all the times the unsocial teen have cut himself were related to Psyche, the older was really annoying (even to Tsuki), bright light against wary darkness.  And the persistence on _wanting_ a lonely Roppi, quiet and distrusting, to want to just _shine_ …  a dangerous mix whose only exit was to explode on the raven’s side, acting against him.  The… majority of the cuts were superficial, yeah… but when he arrived with Sakuraya and Psyche, some years ago, the cuts and self-injuries (a lot of times disguised as injuries caused by bullies taunted by the boys smart mouth, letting them hurt him, doing absolutely nothing to protect himself, only laughing at the pain, startling the others who strengthen their blows on him, enjoying the pain and the knowledge the bastards will get expelled at their crazy belligerent nature, and Roppi got his fix of pain every time.  Always.  Until the moment he met Tsuki.  A coward, shy and dumb-looking boy with the same red-eyes as him.  So different than the humans he despised so much, and at the same time different bur similar to him.

 

“More clear… can you explain better?” a question, to the extent of what the scarf-lover knew, it must have been a really annoying situation that drove him out of his mind and exploded.  Not _bad_ per se, but irritating enough to hurt and to search comfort with Tsuki, an idea that made his heart flutter without really knowing _why_ he was happy –now- that Roppi went to him.

 

The raven got quiet, blood raising to his face.  “That bastard…” and slightly raised his pant leg to show the point of his sock to the blond, whose eyes bulged while trying to contain his imminent laughter attack for his friend’s sake.  “He did it to –almost- all my clothes!”  His face was red in anger and shame.  “Don’t try to deny it, Tsuki.”  His tone wasn’t bitter, since the start he was expecting the other to laugh at this antic of his uncle, and at the joy in the heartfelt giggles, he couldn’t stop the small smile on his face.  Tsuki’s smile and laugh always made him feel better –even if it was caused by something _made_ to him-.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking of putting this at the beginning, but then that will be a spoiler itself, so, better at the end XD
> 
> Title, "Quien en pan piensa, hambre tiene" better translation I could thing of is: "Who Thinks in Bread... Is Hungry." Meaning that someone thinks/says/asks something -not completely sometimes- unrelated to something that's being discussed/commented/talked of at the moment, and the comment has a different connotation/meaning than what the situation is about. Sometimes it's used for a sexual context... (Er... I hope I made it understandable... =X If not, please forgive me, I'm sleepy -.-)
> 
> If someone KNOWS a better way for this idea, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!
> 
> // 
> 
> So, open to ideas and suggestions about what Psyche did to dear poor Roppi XD I have my draft on that, but open to suggestions =3


	5. Feelings and Perceptions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just... what they were to each other?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still on time!
> 
> March 7, 2014  
> 23:52!!!

~~ o ~~ o ~~ o ~~ o ~~ o ~~ o

 

Tsuki’s eyes went wide, almost bulging out of their sockets, as he ran to his friend, forcibly raising his pants leg, almost ripping the fabric, and staring behind the apparent innocent image displayed. “What did he do now, Roppi?!”

A sad smile answered. “That fucking bastard finally did it.” Pain in his face, avoiding his friend’s gaze and eyes glued to his feet, not really his socks. Remembering and trying his best to block the memories, his eyes fixed on the bright pink socks he was forced to wear instead of his usual colors. It was dangerous. For Psyche to dare do something as aggressive as to mess with the boy’s possessions, pointed to something more profound than to what could be seen as a simple and mere prank from the elder to his nephew. A childish prank, messing with socks, forcing him to wear a color Roppi despised, but… thankfully they weren’t white, at least the pop singer respected the younger raven enough to not impose that color on him.

“Please tell me, Roppi-san…,” voice low, trying to not upset anymore the other, doing exactly that with the added –san. The only thing the raven hated of the blond. His extreme formality towards him, to anyone, making the depressive teen enjoy the few occasions when the taller called him in a more friendly and informal way, like they were something more than just simple acquaintances, hopefully friends, that the blond accepted and acted as a friend towards him, that he was important enough to care and talk without formalities.

“TSUKI! STOP THAT?!” And… pain and anger. Feeling rejected, like a barrier existed between the two boys. It hurt him. His fingers were itching to hold his knife… unable to do so in Tsuki’s place. But the feel, the knowledge, of his little and sharp razor blade in his slacks pocket was a pale comfort. That, and medical tape to patch himself up, was usually enough to keep him under check, a thin line to be able to see blood, to taste blood, and to feel –at least if nothing else- pain. He needed something, anything, to keep him sane, to keep himself under control, even if it means to hurt himself physically.

The lanky teen stopped completely, eyes wide and afraid he’d done something wrong, something to upset his friend. And acting like a scared and scolded pup, only missing his ears and tail to lower and hide. Afraid and hurt by the raven shout, even while Tsuki could understand the origin of his anger, and dreaded Roppi’s mood. While it wasn’t common, it wasn’t strange for the raven to display at skin level his need to cut himself up. The blond teen didn’t have the right to stop him, not something he encouraged nor supported, the only thing he could do was provide company… and to try to somewhat help when Roppi’s mood was going in dangerously down way.

Tsuki needed a way to distract him, and the tall blond was scared, afraid to upset the other more until the raven snapped and… got hurt. Or hurt Tsuki while Roppi was blinded by his feelings. And that’s exactly what the slightly shorter teen’s mood was in that moment, a hair’s breadth away to exploding and hurting all and everything.

With few options, and thinking as hard as possibly on a way to just distract the raven’s mind from unhealthy feeling, Tsuki had to swallow hard, he have lost –almost- everything already, there wasn’t much he could keep to himself now. And maybe, just maybe, he could obtain also what he wanted. He could lose everything, but at the same time win all… a thing to bet all, the same options to win as to lose, and… there’s no gain if nothing is put at risk, right? And with a little good luck… maybe… maybe… the both of them could get something good out of this… a… desire, a need Tsuki kept hidden deep within himself, but now… now Roppi saw part of it… so… a risk, yes… but perhaps, with luck, it could work. Not in the way the blond had wanted, nor imagined it, to bring up the subject… but this way could also work, if it didn’t backfire on him first.

Roppi was more… closed up, avoiding all humans like the plague, only wearing dark and red as his trademark colors, looking down on others, keeping to himself, avoiding as possibly all form of contact with humans… so… then why did Roppi cared for him? Roppi, the first time they met, told Tsuki he despised him, looking so happy and stupid with the long scarf and thick glasses, and a big stupid and innocent smile plastered on his face, screaming to the world he was a naïve and happy-go-lucky kid. And the raven continued avoiding the blond together with the rest of the humans until he saw behind the boy’s façade, an indeed naïve and innocent creature that was abused and bullied, taken advantage of, and when the others got what the needed or wanted was just throw away, but the eyes and the smile continued, and that pissed Roppi. Just how stupid does the blond was?! Trusting, stupid, innocent, naïve, a little small –even when the blond was anything but small- fluffy baby animal, with big bright crimson eyes so similar to his own, and that smile Roppi wanted so hard to just wipe off Tsuki’s face at first, and the more the raven was forced to interact with the blond he found out about the abnormal strength he possessed, also his disorientation, the reason of his scarf, and that he was alone, used and thrown away by his classmates, taking advantage of anything the blond could offer and then discard him, even bully him and hurt the boy. All that angered Roppi, his feelings slowly changing for the boy, both relying  on each other unintentionally with time, and partially trusting each other.

Tsuki stopped, thanks to Roppi’s presence, being taken advantage of by his classmates, who were afraid and despised the slightly smaller teen, and the blond was a safe-line for Roppi’s unexpected and chaotic mood changes, that usually ended in violence and blood. They helped each other by their mere company, being near the other, but also that left the two alone, unable to interact with anyone other than themselves, almost shutting completely off whoever was not family –or school related adults-.

And still, they kept secrets. Secrets kept in shadows because they were too afraid to share, or simply because they have never cared to touch the subject.

Tsuki cared for Roppi, loyal towards him, looking up to him. The raven being the only one he really could feel comfortable with, even more than with his own brothers, Tsugaru always working, so calm and composed, and Delic a complete playboy, flirting with whoever had a body and could talk back to him, and almost always succeeding in wooing his chosen prey of the hour, given that with his work as a host, his looks and ways were his ticket to success and Delic loved to work, enjoyed displaying all his abilities at every single moment and bragging about his catches, how good he did in bed with women and men alike, without shame to explicitly tell what happened in his encounters, Tsugaru usually blocking the middle one, so concentrated in his writing even while sometimes turned red at some details oh-so-much-detailed, but that helped him sometimes at writing hot scenes, which he was famous for –but not using his real name, he was still embarrassed to not hid himself behind a pen name that was great at writing sex stories and fantasies even Delic himself wanted to try. And still, Tsugaru insisted on treating the youngest as a small kid that should be kept away from all ‘perverted’ and violent stuff as possible. A lonely kid even when his brothers were at home.

Roppi, on his part, had to deal with his two crazy uncles, a pampered brat who was an asshole which considered himself as part of royalty, a prince, exactly, always demanding the weirdest shit from the commoners –usually Roppi- and do as Hibiya commanded him, going crazy when he dared to raise his voice to fight back, until a few years ago, when he met Tsuki and started to run from home, away from Hibiya and his wannabe-royalty-dreams. And his other uncle, Psyche, a childish pop idol, who just couldn’t understand why the younger boy wore red and black, his dark aura, his loneliness and just treated like Roppi has a tantrum over something. Both argued frequently, way more than Roppi with Hibiya when the later finally got his oh-so-loved horse. But with Psyche it was hell. The white and pink clad idol just loved to mess with Roppi stuff, mere pranks that upset the teen until Roppi had resorted to wounds to keep him in a somewhat controlled mood. And the raven had found help and support on his blond friend, even while he still was so formal towards him.

Both were awkward having to deal, to interact, with others, and complimented the other at the same time while being so similar on the inside. Both teens’ were lonely creatures that needed company, someone who could just understand them. And found company in their weird relationship at first. A friendship that grew stronger with the passing years.

Tsuki looked up for the raven, yes. He was loyal to him and only him. Someone who has protected and helped in a strange way from others who just used him for his looks, for his personality always willing to give a hand to whoever might ask him until Roppi chose away all the people who were just using the boy and making him open his eyes that the world, and people, were not nice, they just wanted to take advantage of others if they let themselves be taken advantage off, but not Roppi. He was never used him, instead… he forced the blond to open his eyes and to realize it was better to be alone than to be surrounded by humans that only think about their own needs, and in that way Tsuki found someone he wanted to be with, one who never hide anything, someone who talked and said things straight even if they were hard and spiky subjects, and didn’t care to just hurt with his words others while talking. It was just surprising that a boy so kept into himself and apparently so dull to others with his attitude could be this dazzling to the tall blond. Roppi was a friend, but the blond was afraid of how the other could react at this knowledge, so that was the reason of his stuttering and mixed ways of saying his name in a formal or an informal way.

And Roppi… it was difficult to say exactly what he thought of Tsuki, how he considered the taller boy. Was Tsuki a human? In the raven’s terms he certainly wasn’t one, but also not really a monster, not really a beast. Tsuki was a brute, a powerful and pure and gullible mutt who understood him, who stayed by him not caring or afraid of the consequences of Roppi’s actions and attitudes. And the weirdest thing of all, Tsuki was someone Roppi cared for, the raven sometimes believing the blond was the so-called providential God-send companion to have a reason to keep-on living. For him in the form of a human-like stupidly innocent mutt that chose him for a weird reason the raven just couldn’t fathom.

Both were awkward while dealing with people in general, with problems dealing even with their own families, and they found comfort and peace in each other. A company they weren’t used to, but that complemented them in their individual needs and that at the same time didn’t expect something in return, not at first. But now, Tsuki had kept hidden some secrets from Roppi, desires the teen kept deep within him, a fantasy. And now a really bad time had led Roppi to find out part of the tall teen secret desire and need… but it work, maybe it could help both obtain something else.

 

A deep sigh, it was now or never. “Roppi… I… I’ll tell you…” his voice dropping to a very quiet whispered stutter, already deep red and feeling like his face and body were letting out steam. “There’s something… something…” his voice grew smaller and stuttering, knees weak at what he wanted to trust his friend with.

As expected, the words and the tone snapped the raven of his thoughts, a questioning look on his crimson eyes, not understanding what Tsuki could tell him. Just that Tsuki was nervous, way more than he could remember in a long way, and… red and bothered. “What…? Are you okay, Tsuki?” yes, he was worried for his friend. Just… what does Tsuki need to tell him now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, was a little tardier to post than I thought... I was planning to post it earlier, but I forgot I was to met with a friend and the stupid movies deceived us ¬¬X And... was a good time watching old cartoon intros XD
> 
>  
> 
> Comments, questions, critics (not flames) always appreciated!! Feel free to comment, I don't bite!!
> 
>  
> 
> And cliffhanger!  
>  
> 
> Next chapter:  
> A Bet: All or Nothing


	6. Revealing a Need

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, many thanks to amazing pendulum for helping me correct my mistakes XD
> 
> *offers cookies as a "Thank you" gift*

~~ o ~~ o  ~~ o ~~ o  ~~ o ~~ o 

 

 

Roppi slowly raised his eyes to fix them on his friend’s face.  “What…?”

 

“I… I’ll tell you, Roppi…” the teen swallowed hard, feeling like he was already burning in shame and anticipation at how the other would react at this.

 

Confused, his body language showed the smaller one had no idea what the other was talking about, but it served its objective to distract his mind from the negative thoughts and feels.

 

“The… the…” Tsuki’s voice got lower, small, barely a whisper, “when you… arrived…”  The blond felt his knees weak, almost feeling they were going to give out and let him sprawled in front of his friend.  He had no other option, now that he had decided to follow this way, now that he had an _excuse_ to bring out the subject, it was now or never.  “The… me… computer…”

 

Roppi slowly understood, eyes widening at the words, and trying to make sense of the broken sentences and fill out the gaps.  It was enough material to make out the general idea of what Tsuki was trying to say.  It was weird.  Tsuki _did not_ ever dare to talk about something like that **at all.**   He was shy, naïve, and easily ashamed… there was no way, just NO.  The boy was pure, the complete opposite of him.  “Tsuki…?”  There was something really weird, it had to be a nightmare, the raven was sure of it.  It must be a really bad dream.  Psyche had not messed –again- with him, he was sleeping in his own bed, keeping his hold in his beloved knife, and pressing it into his skin.  _His_ Tsuki was pure!

 

The blond perceived the other’s mood, and wanted to tell him to forget it all.  It was a mistake in the full sense of the word, but… now he couldn’t get back on this.  It was now or never.  Nothing risked, nothing gained, right?  Tsuki dragged his feet towards the computer, and slowly turned it on, cursing the slowness of it, and trying to ignore his friend’s eyes glued on his back, so shaken at what the blond has insinuated and was doing.

 

Roppi wanted to ask, to make sure there should be something wrong in all this.  The glasses-wearer only turned the computer on and motioned him to sit in front of the monitor, opening his usb stick and selecting a file on it, always avoiding his friend’s gaze.  “I… I… want this… to me…” and just when he was moving to run to his room, the raven took hold of his wrist.

 

“What is this about, Tsuki?” a low growl.  He was angry at not understanding what was happening, and afraid.  Discovering a new face, a completely different and weird, facet his friend was trying to show him.  To **trust** Roppi with, to be more understood, to –literally- show the raven _everything_ about him.

 

After a long time, the computer finally opened the archive, a video - if the video player was any indication of it -, and the classic disclaimer at the start of the movie in red letters, all while the blond’s face turned a bright red color and started to fidget, obviously uncomfortable and nervous about the situation.  “What is this about, Tsuki?!”  Roppi forced his friend to look at him, furious with all of this, but his friend only pleaded with his crimson eyes, all the attitude of a sad puppy with big teary eyes, making Roppi, forcing him unintentionally, to look back at the screen.

 

The disclaimer/warning was finally over, and Tsuki started to fidget way more, nervous and expecting, ears red and hot, burning him.  “Just watch… I…wantit,Roppi.Pleasewatchit.Ineedit,wantyoutodoitto…me.”  The boy’s voice was strangled, and he joined the words, too afraid and ashamed of accepting what he wanted to his friend, telling him what he wanted but at the same time ashamed of all.

 

The raven didn’t understand anything the other said, but the movie started, it was what seemed like a… weird chamber, a dungeon chamber more likely, if the apparently stone walls, dark atmosphere, and all the torture devices scattered all over the set were any indication of it.  It was apparently devoid of actors, but that didn’t last for long, there was a close up towards a small cell-like place in the far end, a small space surrounded by bars, inside of which was something, moving and making noice, as the shot came closer, it was a human, a young actor (Roppi wasn’t sure about calling him like that), a man lying in what seemed to be a dog bed with a collar around his neck.  “Tsuki… what… is this…?” his voice sounded strangled, his mind already aware of what it was about, but he refused to acknowledge it coming from his naïve friend.  His breath hitched at the mere idea of _his_ Tsuki even knowing what porn was, but it was strangely arousing knowing that _maybe_ it wasn’t a dream nor a bad-taste joke.  He didn’t dare to move his eyes from the screen to not startle the glasses-wearer.

 

The movie continued, and the jailed one was a indeed a young brown haired teen, a… twink in gay lingo, if he wasn’t mistaken, not that he was an avid porn-watcher of any kind, but it was needed to know a little of everything, same with sex life and sexual deviations, kinks, and paraphilias.  Roppi, if forced to admit, actually thought the blond to be asexual, due to the fact the taller never showed interest in anyone not even when his schoolmates tried to peek at the girls while changing clothes or brought adult magazines to school, and the fact that his brother Delic was a pervert host and Tsuki never _reacted_ to his taunts was for the raven a given that he simply was not interested in anything sexual related, and as that, the subject was left out, reinforcing the idea that Tsuki was innocent and pure in that aspect, an idea that took place and reinforced itself on the raven’s mind.  Not even once did he dared to imagine Tsuki having such human emotions and needs as to watch porn by himself and, obviously, getting aroused by it as a the average teen, and looking by the setting, it should be a dom/master play, with the hot and busty dominatrix taking control of the naughty one and punishing him only to get the roles reversed and her being the one in need of sexual relief while using and restricting the sub or subs movements and own sexual relief.  For a few minutes Roppi was sure the movie was about that, a cliché play, but it changed when two women, indeed dominatrix if their clothes and attitude were any indicative, but what surprised him were the fact that they only took out the boy from the cell and chained him, from a collar around his neck and wrists and ankles to the wall near where the camera-person was located, letting the camera take a good angle on the boy.

 

The boy was dressed in a loose t-shirt and baggy cargo pants, but wore a blindfold and a ball-gag.  He must've been scared if his body language was any indication when he was forced out and positioned for the scene.  Meanwhile, both ladies took a seat near the boy, their full body language and expression expecting something, waiting for someone.  They were obviously eager for what was on the movie script, obviously, not a fan-made/amateur video. 

 

The boy was whimpering, a sound muffled by the gag, and softly rattling his chains.  The attitude of someone afraid of what was going to happen to him, knowing, or at least having an idea, of what he was going to go through, and nothing he could do to avoid it.

 

Roppi tried to move his eyes from the screen, to watch, ask, whatever, Tsuki, to not be forced to watch it, but it proved impossibly, as the women started to undress and make out with each other, their little _show_ surely a preamble for what was coming to the boy, the main… _dish_ of the movie. 

 

Even while he was not a total virgin, Roppi was not used to uncensored porn (sometimes, reading xxx-stories were more than enough to get relief for his body’s need), so the explicit movie was affecting his body, feeling hot and bothered, and the friction of his pants was uncomfortable, forcing him to squirm in search of a more _comfortable_ position, closing his legs to just open them when his forming erection got constricted.  

 

"Roppi... please watch...  and accept..." with his words the blond ran towards his room, slamming the door close and leaving a startled and confused raven alone with the computer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this one was a b*tch to write. I am not happy with it, but if not, I'll be stuck on it =X
> 
> Don't be afraid to comment =3
> 
> Yep. Evil cliffy =3 But if I didn’t do it I don’t know WHEN I’ll finish this poor chapter… -.-


	7. Anger

~~ o ~~ o  ~~ o ~~ o  ~~ o ~~ o 

With a loud bang the door of the teen’s room was closed, leaving Roppi confused at the strange situation.  Just what the fuck was happening?  Tsuki was acting, to put it simply,  **weird** , and if he were any  _human_  –the mere notion of thinking about he and Tsuki  _being_  humans made his stomach wrench in disgust- with no doubt he would be shouting that aliens or something similar had kidnapped his friend and supplanted him with a look-alike… or… something more similar to a real human being with sexual needs.

A moan came from the speakers, loud enough to be heard by Roppi but not enough that someone outside the apartment –or behind closed doors- could hear the sound, and that made the boy look back at the screen startled, and Roppi wished he hadn’t done so.  A shudder in half disgust and half anticipation filled him, making him ashamed and annoyed.

On the screen, the teen was kept chained to the wall, but he could see that there were more people in the set –just when they arrived?!  He had only looked away for just a few seconds!-, males and females alike, all dressed in latex and revealing formfitting clothes that barely left something (if anything) to the imagination.   _‘An… orgy…?’_  the teen’s mind tried to identify and predict the movie’s genre and plot, to be prepared at anything it could show him… and wondering what the fucking hell was that  **his**  friend needed to show him, what the damn video?  If he dared to think… yeah… it didn’t matter what he wanted to think, Tsuki was a young male, a shy, possibly  _asexual_  (at least that’s what Roppi would had bet on before this day and moment), because that was one thing that kept the blond  _pure_ and  _innocent_  in Roppi’s eyes.

Some minutes more into the video, Roppi growled in disdain.  No.  It wasn’t an orgy, at least not apparently.  It wasn’t  _exactly that…_  all were ignoring the boy, joining and forming small groups, talking, chatting, and all in all enjoying the company of the other  _actors_.  No one eyed the boy, not even a sideway glance, the teen always slightly blurred in a second plane or with others making the viewer’s eyes center their sight on them instead of the other, almost like the teen was a… decoration or were waiting for something important to bring him forward, something that will have its time to shine, but later, when it was due time.

Slowly, really slowly, the camera focused on the bound boy, really a teen with light brown hair, the blindfold covering his eyes, and a bright red ball gag keeping his mouth wide open, drool dripping down his chin.  The camera moved, finally stilling and focusing only on the kid, taking his whole being in, his face was flushed light pink, his hair disheveled, and his clothes were a mess, the pants hung low on his hips, and the t-shirt was crumpled, a light sheen of sweet visible where his skin was nude to the eye.  Scuffing in disgust, Roppi was about to stop the damn thing before he ripped the computer (at least the usb stick) and threw it out the window, the idea reinforced by the loud bang in the blond’s room, just what the fuck did he do to be in this weird situation?!  At least Tsuki should have tasteful porn, not this weird shit, he got up, with the whole intention on storming to the room and demand an explanation, but his internal musing stopped him on his tracks facing the monitor and stared at the film, some of the background actors’ blurred forms depicted them as making out, while a few female and male totally nude actors except for a thin armlet, bracelet, anklet of a simple collar on their body, each one carrying a different assortment of items and preparing a large table with them to show each and every one of them, and to make them more easily take them without trouble.  Again, they were ignored by the apparently doms, masters or trainers, whatever the fuck they are, Roppi was bristling, how a human could ever feel  _superior_ to any other?  All were nuisances!

It always surprised the angry teen how people were so sick, or in need of fast cash, to ever dare to perform such  _disgusting_  acts on video for the  _viewing pleasure_  of completely and obviously **sick** random strangers.  But, that was how some humans were, a fat wage of cash, and they’ll do almost everything, from killing something/someone, to apparent something they weren’t, letting complete random humans fuck them senseless, without dignity, moral or culture for the _willing_ participant.  Almost nothing could win over the wage to just do something that wasn’t in a single person's nature to humiliate and exhibit, or better say _degrade_ himself or herself to whatever sick need or fantasy someone had, and for them to simply  _comply_  with whatever wicked order they received or were forced to follow. 

The mere idea of someone  **fucking** another person without protection churned him, skin-to-skin contact was simply disgusting, while he couldn’t deny the needs his body sometimes had, he always prided on being over casual irresponsible sex with anyone, and even so he avoided it.  He only had once a full-way experience, from which he vowed to  _never ever_  partake in the disgusting act again, sweet, fluids, slickness and having to see an –almost- naked body beneath him was simply repulsive, but blow jobs, these he thoroughly enjoyed being on the receiving end while his partner was blindfolded (the hideous part was how clingy and needy partners turn to be while being intimate -at least the non-prostitute ones- forced him to establish some rules to never be broken by anyone.  And that included no more physical contact than what was absolutely necessary.

While his only full-sexual experience has been with a woman who almost begged him to fuck her, he wasn’t alien to the knowledge of sex between gay and lesbian sex, including some deviations such as pegging, and what could happen in orgies.  Arousing?  Unfortunately… yes.  Disgusting?  OBVIOUSLY!

Distracted in his musing, the teen blocked the computer and what it was running, angry that Tsuki just… ran away.  Never voiced his feelings nor his needs, neither when he wasn’t comfortable with something, hell, the blond only acted like a scared mom exaggeratedly gesticulating when her offspring got hurt when the raven cut himself up!  The mere idea made him itch for his blade, and as soon as the thought formed, his right hand was in possession of the sharp blade, slender fingers following the edge, and a wicked smile on his face, eyes blank of everything except his mute rage.

A pained cry snapped the raven out of his thoughts, his mind paling slightly at what was on the screen, the groups have dispersed and made a semi-circle around the boy at one side with the presented table with its array of different items at the other, their faces displaying sick amusement and some even going as far as to take something and inspect their selection, breaking contact with the –currently being paddled over his clothes- captive.

What Roppi found weird was the whole attitude of the boy; his cries and movements were  _real,_  not acted at all, same with the hard slaps his backside was receiving, and the laughs each pained yelp and sob received from the audience.

“You signed, didn’t you?  There is not a way to turn back on your word.  You _knew_  what you were getting yourself into.”  The voice sent shivers down the red-eyed boy, whoever talked was dangerous.  His voice was strong, full of malice and an undefined feeling of gloating on having all the control of the situation.  An obvious sick pleasure on taking revenge for whatever happened on the kid, the blindfold having dark wet splotches were the thread absorbed his tears.  The slight shake of brown hair was an obvious plea to just stop, between each hit, his body trembled, the chains rattling with an evil omen that only stirred the audience, some even cat calling.  "And you've already got your money."  A sly smirk before continuing “and you’ve already used all of it.  Was your family happy for having money to eat and pay their debts?”

“Tsuki… what the hell?”  Roppi was shocked, his knees staggering and making him fell on the chair, his eyes glued to the images displayed.  It was _not a fucking movie!_   Mixed with the disgust of just _how_ the blond got his hands on such a tape?!

He lost track of time, his body and mind going from frozen stiff to pure and hot rage to, finally, turned on despite his chagrin and still, he couldn’t stop, mind almost completely blank except for his body’s reactions and Tsuki’s voice at the back of his mind telling him to watch, his mind remembering the blond’s words, shuddering…   _“Just watch… I…wantit,Roppi.Pleasewatchit.Ineedit,wantyoutodoitto…me.”_   And his mind started to mix reality with fiction despite the knowledge that the boy was in trouble, a stupid human who wagered his family’s debt with his body, and lost it.  There simply was no way to pay back to yakuza, even less the interests of the loan.  And to run away is always the worst mistake.  Roppi despised the prisoner, a stupid human who couldn’t even think about the consequences of his decisions.  And Tsuki… just **what** the shy teen wanted of him?!  To be forced to obey?  To be _used_ by sick sadists?!  The blade found its way to the raven’s hands, who started to play with the sharp edge of it without realizing his movements, slicing ever so slowly the blade against his pale and scarred wrists and arms, without drawing blood.

At some moment the teen was unchained and forced on his knees, head raised in an obvious way as if he was  _proud_  of the position.  His legs were slightly stretched, resting only on his feet and hands, not allowed to rest on his knees at any given moment.  His drool continued running, pained whimpers heard while he fidgeted at the uncomfortable position.  His… guards paddling him every time he moved to change position.

The boy was still clothed and it was obvious that they weren’t doing any good for him and instead they could be making worse the rashes from the punishment.

At a given moment, almost all back up actors get out from the scene, leaving only 5 males, and the one being punished.  Roppi’s mouth was dry, forgetting about where he was, his anger towards his friend, and the fucked up reason why he was watching  _the_  video, his body hot, way hot to kept his coat on but clinging to it for his life.

While the blindfold and gag-ball were firmly kept on place, the t-shirt and pants were torn and tattered from being whipped by the men for so long, dark wet splotches of dry and fresh blood dampening them, accompanied by the muted cries and whimpers from the shivering boy.

“You have been a very naughty boy, kid.”  One of the men smirked, softly banging the whip against his palm, obviously more than enjoying the situation.  “You tried to run away from our  _agreement,_ and that’s a big no-no.”

At the words, the brunet shivered in fright, his whole attitude as that from a scolded pup, trying to back off and hide his head.  “We can’t have that now, can we?”  The tall man eyed his companions, all portraying the same cruel sneer in their demeanor and who answered with loud laughs.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT CHAPTER CONTAINS NON-CON, AND HUMILLIATION. (And I'm still not sure HOW I'll be able to write it... =X)
> 
> And:
> 
> Please, please, please *begs* comment!! I have two options on how to end this piece of my weird mind.
> 
> Option a) heart-breaking, option b) not-so-sweet-fluff.
> 
> Please, vote! (or both as an alt-ending?)
> 
>  
> 
> And lookie!!! http://ceoalli.tumblr.com/post/85255339441/yep-finally-arrived-d-and-it-seems-that-when It arrived!!! Just on time for my b-day!!! =3


	8. Confusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... remember the note at the end of the last chapter?
> 
> Don't pay it that much attention XD
> 
> Still, if bothered... stop reading. It contributes -almost- nothing to the story.

~~ o ~~ o ~~ o ~~ o ~~ o ~~ o

Roppi was bothered, he couldn’t move from the computer, his eyes glued to the monitor and ears straining to get the slightest sound, forgetting _where_ he was, _who_ put him in this position.

 

The movie continued playing, the boy in a weird position, similar to the one exhibition dogs were posed for pictures, head high, arms extended with his hands firmly planted on the floor, back straight as possible in this position, and his legs slightly bent to give him support.  While he was dressed, the whole scene was perturbing, the tension thick on the air.

 

“That’s more like it, bastard.” 

 

“Ungrateful, you got the money and tried to run with it.”

 

“But you’re back.  We’ll gonna get our money and this… _this_ is a better way to make up for the lost time.”

 

Softly padding on the brunette’s bottom, the man took delight on the shivers that coursed through the teen’s body.  “Are you nervous?  Do you _crave_ for it to end?”  The man grinned, finally yanking the blind fold from the teen, his eyes meeting with wide scared eyes, as a doe caught in highlights, frozen.

 

“Answer me!”

 

A barely there nod, the movement of his head and eyes tightly shut.  Saliva was dripping from his mouth, unto his chin and dripping on the floor.  The young male was no longer trying to swallow it.

 

“You _want_ this to end.”  The man repeated, letting his paddle fall hard on the boy’s ass, chuckling when the blond tensed, tightening his muscles and making them more susceptible to the blows, his cries muted by the gag.  “But… as you can understand, it is not possible for now.”  The hits became less frequent but more vicious.  _“You_ _broke your end of deal._ And we’ll have our money back.” 

 

Obvious tremors shook the young body, tears running down his face that showed his pain and shame, the boy was shivering in fright which only served to amuse more the older man, the others just sneering and leering at the kid, having disbanded towards the table in search of their _preferred_ method to _discipline_ the boy.

 

“Not so far, remember we can’t really break him.”  The obviously older man momentary stopped the paddle from meeting skin, and remember you’re not the only one on this.”  The whole attitude was angry and disgusted.  “I don’t know why they decided this was a better way to get it back.  _Selling him_ is way faster and maybe we’ll get a little _extra_ for ourselves.”

 

Another man scoffed cutting the older, “you know we can’t.  Orders **are** orders.  And it’s not as if we can simply _ignore_ ‘em.”

 

“But, it doesn’t mean we can have a little fun doing this, ne?” the one with the whip finished waving it and taking delight on the sound of the leather cutting the air, and the kid almost pissing himself.

 

“While I can’t say I _enjoy_ this… sometimes it’s disturbing how we… accept too easily.”  The one with messy-long hair said, his smile promising more to his words.  He was eyeing the boy, taking into account his clothes and whole body language.  “It seems he’d prefer something less… _violent._ ”  The man said at last, laughing.  “Or at least, something he’ll _appreciate_.”

 

“Shaddup.  It’s our job, nothing else,” one with a really bad bleach-job on his hair barked, “remember we have a tight schedule, and we’re not paid to talk.”  He stretched his back in a lazy manner.

 

“Yeah.  Do your job.”  The only one wearing a suit readjusted his glasses, disdain towards the teen obvious in his body language.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's... the best I could do and not continue procrastinating... -.-
> 
> Well... I SHOULD be doing something else and not writing this fic... -.-  
> Weird question... does anyone have a good idea what the BRI and %MAU indexes are for? I hate them! *brain explods*


End file.
